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My
name is Adam Lambert. I want to tell you a story
about my life in hopes it will draw you to know
the peace I have found in Jesus. I was raised
in a household where alcohol was always present.
I did not have a "NORMAL" childhood. I spent most
of my childhood hiding from my feelings through
drugs, alcohol, sex, and violence. And yes you
can hide in fights and such as it is a way to
vent some of your pain. My first memory as a child
is of a tree falling on the house. It was blown
down by Hurricane Camille. This is kind of prophetic
of the way my life was to go for many years to
come. The first thing I remember of my Parents
as a child is of my Dad throwing my Mom across
the room into a bookshelf he had built. This abuse
went on quite often until I was 12. My mom would
scream for my older brother to help her, but as
he was only 2 years older than me, he could do
nothing. When I was 8 years old I had enough of
the abuse and tried to stop my Dad from beating
my Mom. I ran up to him and started to hit him.
He picked me up by the hair of my head and threw
me on the couch. I remember sitting on the couch
in the living room in tears, because I knew my
Mom was hurting and there was nothing I could
do about it. My Dad spent allot of time telling
me and my brothers that we were worthless and
would amount to nothing, I took it as the truth
and had a very low self esteem of myself because
of it. I started smoking cigarette's when I was
7 years old. I took my first drink of beer when
I was 8. I got into pornography at the age of
8-9 (I do not remember for sure). I started smoking
pot at the age of 11 and was a pill freak at the
age of 12. For those of you who do not know what
a pill freak is, it is a person that will take
any pill you lay in front of him and then ask
you what they just took. I got very drunk for
the first time at the age of 12. My mom and dad
divorced shortly after this event. I was very
active in sports such as baseball and football,
football being my favorite as I could vent my
frustrations on the field and not get into trouble
for it. I got really good at these because it
was the one thing I did that my dad took notice.
I wanted for him to love me and show me his attention
more than life itself. I could get this from him
through Football and baseball. I had an ugly duckling
life. I spent the first 9 years of school being
picked on by all the other kids because I was
different from them. They called me all sorts
of names. I went through this time virtually alone
as I had no one to run to except one uncle who,
when home, would protect us and show us the love
we longed for. His name was Bill. The summer between
my 9th and 10th grade years I had a lady redo
my hairstyle and allot of the kids started doing
the drugs and alcohol scene like I was. This changed
their opinion of me or seemed to. I was now, sort
of, popular with the ladies, but because of all
the things in my past I did not trust anyone.
I was not capable of having a real relationship
with anyone because of the way I was abused by
the kids and my Dad. By the time I was 15, I was
smoking about an ounce of pot each week. I would
take a fifth of Jack Daniels in one hand and a
gooseneck Budweiser in the other and start drinking.
When the beer was gone so was the whiskey. I do
not remember most of my sophomore year of high
school because I was always high or drunk. I started
dating a girl when I was 16. When I turned 17
she was pregnant. We got married half way through
my senior year of high school. We divorced 4 years
later due to infidelity on both our parts. I joined
the Army to see the world and to be like my older
brother. I requested to be sent to West Germany.
In the Army I had to quit the drugs due to the
drug tests we had to go through. I could still
drink though and I did ALLOT of it. By the time
I left West Germany 3 and 1/2 years later, I could
drink a half-gallon of liquor and still get up
and walk. I drove home in that shape many times.
I have been married a total of 5 times and I have
7 children from these marriages. I was very abusive
in three of these relationships as all I knew
how to do was to use people to get what I wanted.
I abused these women verbally all the time. The
second and third I abused physically and the third
I abused sexually. The second and third divorces
took place because of the abuse as well as infidelity.
No one in these relationships had any idea of
what a real family was suppose to be. My second
wife was raised in a house where monogamy was
not practiced and her dad sexually abused her
for 14 years. My third wife was sexually and physically
abused by her ex-husband beyond anything most
people want to imagine let alone hear about. I
have, to date, done every drug known to man except
anything that goes in a needle. I was strung out
on crack for 2 years while married to my third
wife. One Saturday I found us with no money and
no food for our 10-month-old child. There was
a church that met in the clubhouse off the apartment
complex where I lived. I went down there at 12
noon to see about getting some money from them.
They had not gotten out of Church yet. I went
back at 1 o'clock and they were still in there
having church. I went back at 2 o'clock and they
were still in there. I was starting to get a little
frustrated. There was a group of people coming
out of the church and I asked them where the pastor
was. I was told the pastor was in the church.
The lady then asked me what I wanted and I told
her the situation. She handed me $5.00 and invited
me inside. I was dressed in a pair of shorts that
was entirely to short and a muscle shirt that
had sexually explicit pictures all over it. I
told her I would not enter a church the way I
was dressed. She told me they did not care how
I looked and to come in anyway. This got my attention
as I was under the belief that you did not go
to church without your Sunday best on. I went
in and sat there through 4 hours of preaching
with my now ex wife and son. At the end of it
another lady got up and asked us to come to the
front of the church, as she wanted to pray for
us. She prayed over us in tongues and then they
took up a collection for us. They gave us $30
to get some food with. When we got back to the
apartment my ex-wife started cussing and it offended
me. Now I stopped and had to take a look at this
as I had one of the foulest mouths there were.
I asked her to not say that because it offended
me. It was at this time I realized there had been
a change in me. While the lady prayed over us
I was delivered from all the drug addiction and
alcoholism. I was delivered from the extreme temper
that I had. And most of all I was delivered from
the pain in my heart. I realized that for the
first time in my life I knew what it felt like
to be loved and to love someone. I had fallen
in love with Jesus. I got on my knees and started
praying for the lord to teach me about him, as
my ex wife left the next day and moved away, I
had no one there to teach me. The Lord held up
his promise in his word that he would send the
Holy Spirit to be my teacher. I was taught through
several preachers on TBN and through a lot of
time studying the word of God, which is the Holy
Bible, and through a lot of prayer. There where
men and women of God sent to me at different times
to help me but the Lord never allowed any of them
to stay around me for extended periods of time
as he wanted to teach me himself and for me to
be dependant on him. This was ok with me, as I
did not trust people. 2 months later I was invited
to join a homeless ministry in Houston and began
to minister to the men on the street. All I knew
was Jesus saves and that He delivers. I stayed
with this for about 4 months before I moved back
to Mississippi. Once back here I looked for someone
to talk with me and to help guide me but all I
found was the judgment of my past. I longed for
6.5 years for someone to help me see the things
I missed. About a year after I got back to Mississippi
I met my 4th wife via the internet. I wanted so
much for someone to love me and to know I was
ok that I would do anything to accomplish this.
I moved to Pontotoc to marry her. This turned
out to be a major mistake since she was diagnosed
with clinical depression and once she gave birth
to our son decided to leave. The doctors said
it was due to the depression but even though she
may get over the depression she may never change
her mind as to the divorce. She was part of the
Church of God of Prophecy and in their belief
we where living in sin, even though we were married,
because I had been married before. She used this
as her excuse to leave. I began to realize there
was something wrong with me at this point because
I could not seem to live inside a family relationship.
I had changed churches approximately 11 times
at this point and no one ever took the time to
guide me or counsel me. About 4 months after my
4th ex left I met another lady online and we married.
It was during this period I figured out the real
problem. I had another addiction I never realized.
This one was to sex. Just as many men in our churches
today are hooked on pornography I was hooked on
sex to include pornography because in me somewhere
I thought if these women would sleep with me I
must be ok, when the reality was we where all
very sick. Twyla and I married and she moved here
to Mississippi with me. We had what, seemed to
me and everyone around me, a very good relationship.
I am not saying it was perfect because it was
not, however we enjoyed each otherŐs company very
much and loved being around each other. The main
problem with this marriage was 2 things. I was
still learning (slowly) to exist in a family and
she allowed her mother to get involved in our
marriage. I came home from work one day to find
my house empty. I was devastated and everyone
that knew us was shocked. To this day I do not
know for sure why she left only that she is gone
and I have a daughter in Indiana that I have never
met. Shortly after Twyla left I left the Church
of God of Anderson due to a disagreement with
my pastor. I started attending the Tupelo Church
of the Nazarene. After being there a few months
my older brother suggested I attend college. I
looked into it and discovered with some help from
my dad I could and moved to Jackson where I started
attending Day Spring Community Church. At Day
Spring I met people like Bryan and Ray Easley
who did not judge me from my past but accepted
me because of it and my walk with Jesus. I had
NEVER had anyone love me so unconditionally before.
I began to attend BryanŐs small group and got
to be very close to Bryan and Leslie (BryanŐs
wife) Through this couple I began to truly see
the family life walked out in front of me and
then I was truly blessed to be able to see Bryan
and his dad (Ray Easley) interacting and the loving
way they have with each other and I got to see
a real ŇFatherÓ in action as well as a son who
knows how to love his dad. Also, during this time
Bryan began to share much of the word with me
and started teaching me new ways to study the
Bible. I got to sit under the teachings of Matt
Friedeman and hear the word taught in truth with
no backing up to it. And I got to see it walked
out in front of me. I began to grow and to see
the errors I was still living and began to change
them. As with anyone who has lived a sin filled
life, the day I got saved was a wondrous day and
one I will always cherish, but my salvation did
not make me perfect just as PaulŐs salvation did
not make him perfect as evident in Romans chapters
7 and 8. Paul wrestled with his flesh for many
years before he over came it just as all of us
do today. In allot of ways I am truly glad I had
no one to lean on during those early years because
it began to teach me to be dependant on God and
not man as I had been all my life. Are there days
where I get lonely? Yes. Are there days where
I long for my wife and children to return? Yes.
Do I chase women to make me feel better about
me? No, Because I know this is not the answer
thanks to a couple of men who where not afraid
to be real with me and allow me to make my mistakes.
Jesus is my Lord and savior as well as my strength
in all I do.Ę
http://www.mydeliverance.com/
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