As a young child I was very shy. When I entered my teenage years I had a hard time making friends and felt like I did not belong. During highschool my thoughts turned to girls. I wanted to have a girlfriend like everyone else but I could not talk to them and felt like they wanted nothing to do with me. I became very lonely and fell into a deep depression. Often I would spend hours in my room staring at the ceiling or with my head buried in the pillows wondering to myself why I was ever born.
One night my feelings of lonliness and despair overcame me and I reached out to the one friend I did have at the time. He answered the phone and as I began to talk, he interrupted me and asked if he could call me back the next day because he was busy. After hanging up the phone I realized something. I could not depend on or expect my family or friends to get over my lonliness. I could not depend on them to be there for me every time I needed something or someone to talk to.
At that moment I turned to God and prayed, " God I don't know what to do. I don't have the answers, I give up. I'm putting my life in your hands."
That was the day I gave control of my life to Jesus. I'd like to say that things turned around for me right away, but they didn't. In fact over the last 12 years God has patiently molded me into his child. Through many heartaches - marital problems, medical problems, miscarriage, death of loved ones - God has taken my stubborness, my sadness, my anger, my lack of patience and my lack of faith and He has replaced it with love, peace, joy and happiness. Over the last two years in particular, I have faced many struggles. But in those two years I have faced them with Jesus. He takes the hurt and pain and tells me, "Have faith, I will use it for good, I will comfort you."
How has Jesus changed my life? I no longer have to face the trials of life alone and in fear - I know that in good and bad times that God is by my side. In my struggles I put my faith in Jesus, knowing He will help me to find a way thorugh it and more importantly open doors to blessings that I could not see on my own. He gives me hope in times of despair, peace in times of turmoil and joy in good and bad times. Jesus loves me even when I do not love myself - no strings attached.